Pen & Robert scene from Daddy's Girl, practice script

ROBERT

Look at you. My little girl, back from saving the world.

PEN

Look at you. You look great, Dad.

ROBERT

You didn’t get my letters, did you?

PEN

(Feeling his arm)

You’re, like, buff.

ROBERT

I tried to call but it was impossible--

PEN

No, seriously, nine months ago you were older and wider and...shorter?

ROBERT

Honey, I have news. It’s gonna be an all-of-a-sudden kind of thing and I didn’t want it to be an all- of-a-sudden thing, but you’re here and I have to tell you so, oof, here goes--

PEN

(Looking)

It’s the boots. Are you a boot guy now?

ROBERT

I’m thinking quick like a band-aid is the way to go.

PEN

Is there "product" in your hair? And do you have more hair?

ROBERT

I met a woman! She’s here. Now. Upstairs. She’s responsible for the boots and the hair and I love her!

PEN

A woman? Here? A woman here now who you love?

ROBERT

We’re about to watch "Die Hard."

PEN

What kind of middle-aged woman watches "Die Hard"?

ROBERT

(Cringing)

A really cool, young one?

PEN

Young one - what do you mean? How young?

ROBERT

Not that young. Kinda young. Well kinda your age...

PEN

My age? What’s her name?

ROBERT

Holly Smith.

PEN

Holly Smith? The same Holly Smith who went to Madison and was on the track team with me?

ROBERT

(Swallows hard)

Great, so you’ve met. Now we can skip the awkward get-to-know you phase.

ROBERT (CONT’D)

I know it’s crazy, but I’ve never felt this way in my life. She’s smart and funny and we go out and do interesting things.

PEN

You don’t like to do interesting things! You’re a dentist. You like teeth and 60 Minutes!

ROBERT

Holly’s making me see there’s more to life than work and news programs. And the sex...Don’t get me started on the sex.

PEN

You have my word there.

ROBERT

She used to be a gymnast. She can do things with her body I haven’t dared imagine since I was twelve. Using nothing but her toes, she can lift--

PEN

DAD, please! (Beat) I just... I don’t even know where to begin. Does Mom know about this?

ROBERT

Your mother doesn’t care. She’s still living in Santa Fe with her yoga instructor, Guru-Rama-Nan-doh- who-the-hell knows. She only wears white and menstruates onto a plant.

PEN

I don’t want to think about that. (Beat) How did this even happen? How did you to meet?

ROBERT

She rear-ended me on Sherman Avenue. Right there in front of Aamco. Isn’t that funny?

PEN

Hilarious.

ROBERT

There we were, where we could both have our cars fixed. So we sat in the repair shop waiting room, drinking free coffee, watching Judge Brown, then Judge Judy, then Judy Mathis... By Judge Hatchett, I knew Holly was the one. (Beat) I know it’s a lot to take in, but will you try to have an open mind? Please?