Gruesome Playground Injuries (Kayleen)

Gruesome Playground Injuries Monologue

Hospital. Doug is in a coma. He wears an eyepatch over his left eye.

Kayleen enters. She hasn’t seen him like this.

KAYLEEN (To herself): Goddamn it.

She goes to Doug. Only beeping and other artificial sounds. She looks at him for a long time.

KAYLEEN: Hey again.

Kayleen covers her face with her hands and then she exits. She re-enters quickly.

KAYLEEN: So I’m trying to get more healthy. Mostly. Most of the time. I thought, you should know. So, you know, don’t worry about me or anything. (A long moment) Come on, Doug. Wake up now. Just wake up. I’m here. I’m here to wake you up, okay? It’s been a long time, I know, and I just want to…

Kayleen shakes her head, realizing she’s basically talking to herself.

KAYLEEN: Jesus. What the fuck am I doing here?

She goes into her bag and gets some pills. She takes them. She sits down in a chair that’s not close to the bed.

KAYLEEN: I’m so sick of your shit.

Kayleen massages her temples. She gets up and walks to him quickly.


She goes back to her seat and collapses in it.

KAYLEEN: ON THEIR FUCKING ROOF! (Beat) I hate to tell you this, you stupid fucking genius, but getting up on the roof in the middle of a fucking electrical storm isn’t a brilliant fucking move!

Kayleen calms herself. She takes out a bottle of lotion and takes some in her hands.

KAYLEEN: I’m trying not to swear so much. And I’m moisturizing. So that’s what’s going on with me these days.

She rubs lotion into her hands.

KAYLEEN: So congratulations on almost being married. I mean, I heard about it. I heard about her. Elaine. Elaine. She sounds lovely. Poor girl.

You probably made the right decision, though. I don’t think you’re gonna be ready to settle down till you stop climbing up on the roof, you know? I mean, I’m no model citizen, but I do know basic fucking things about personal safety, you dumb piece of shit.

Kayleen puts her lotion back in her bag. She gets up and walks over to Doug again.

KAYLEEN: I mean, you’re not the first groom to get cold feet.

Kayleen shakes her head and wanders around the room.

KAYLEEN: I feel like an idiot here. I was pretty sure I’d get here, say two words to you and you’d snap out of this shit. Because it’s ME! It’s KAYLEEN, DOUGIE! I’m BACK! Last time I saw you you’d just blown out your stupid eye. It was this same hospital.

She goes back to her chair.

KAYLEEN: Twice in 10 years. Not stellar for a couple of kids supposed to be best friends. Twice! Well, I guess this is three times. Does this count? Does it count if one of us might be brain dead? Of course you’ve always been brain dead, haven’t you Dougie? Ha ha ha.

Kayleen rubs her face.

KAYLEEN: What else what else what else what else…?

Kayleen gets up and looks at Doug. She slowly walks to him and touches his hand. She takes his hand in hers. This is the first time in this scene she’s really let herself look at him.

She gingerly holds out her hands over him, as if she had the power to raise the dead but knows she looks ridiculous. She touches his chest and then lifts her hands up as if she might have just woken him. Nothing.

KAYLEEN: I am retarded.

She walks in a circle, and then comes back to him. She stares at him for a long moment.

She holds his hand, rubs it. She goes to her bag, gets out the lotion, comes back to him.

KAYLEEN: Your hand is all dry.

She moisturizes his hand.

KAYLEEN: You can’t marry that girl, Doug. You can’t. Because what about me? What about me, huh? When my dad died, when you… when you came to the funeral home that night… That stuff you said to me… You’ re always doing that, you know? The top 10 best things anyone’s ever done for me have all been done by you. That’s pretty good, right? And I know. I know I know I know… I’m so stupid. I’m always. ..I’m just fucked up, you know that. And so I need you to stick it out, Dougie. I’m gonna need you to come looking for me again. I’m sorry. But you have to wake up now. You have to wake up for me. Because I’m not great, you know? I’m not great. And I really need you right now. I really need you to come over and show me some stupid shit again, tell me some stupid joke like you always do. I’m sorry I’ve been gone. I’m back now. You know? I’m back now. So wake up. Wake up now, buddy. Just, you know. . .rise and shine. It’s Tuesday. That was always your favorite day.

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