Regan monologue from Bachelorette

Regan’s monologue

Thirty minutes later.

The suite is empty as it was. A disaster.

After a moment, Regan emerges from the bedroom. A bed sheet wrapped around her. She goes for the coffee and gulps a mug full. The coffee is ice cold so she instantly opens her mouth and coffee spills all over he chest.

Shit. Fuck. (Her cell phone catches her eye. She looks at it.) Douchebag. (She makes a call. Into the phone. ) What?!... Why the fuck are you calling me a million times? ... It was on vibrate ...I'm at Becky's thing. I told you we would be out late ... You go out every fucking Saturday with your meathead friends and I go out once ... ONCE in the last six months and you give me shit for it ... Uh huh .. Yeah ... Well, I don't care ... because you're an idiot ... Yeah ... I TOLD you we'd be OUT late ... (She see's Joe's bowl, She finds a lighter and takes a hit. Into the phone.) You don't care anyway... your residency my ass-fuck-face ... No, I'm not smoking ... I'm NOT SMOKING ... I Fucking quit three years ago .. for you .. and you don't trust me ... thats what this comes down to ... You ... you ... CAN I SAY SOMETHING?! (Jeff enters from the bedroom. He's practically dressed. He picks up a coffee as well. He spits it back into the cup. Into the phone) Can I say one thing at this juncture before you start acting like ... LISTEN! If you can't trust me, then I don't know what the fucking point of me EVER leaving the house ... I'll just bake a casserole and then lie around with my legs open until you feel like ... YOU ARE SUCH A BABY! ... That's stupid ... Well, I think you're stupid ... I'll be home when I feel like coming home ... FINE! MAYBE I WILL! (She hangs up and tosses the cell phone away.)

Excerpt for study and audition practice. Read the full play for context.