Brian monologue from Narrative

Brian’s monologue

What the FUCK do you know about love? Hmm? Oh no, wait a minute, I know: your mother loved you. That’s why you’re so secure, right? That’s why you have panic attacks and hide under the bed all day: That’s why you’re in therapy: That’s why you fucked another man! Because you’re so secure! Because your Mother fucking loved you so fucking much!

But what if she didn't? What if she didn't love you?

Come on – like you said: You’ve got to ask the question sometimes. What if you’re wrong?

Because tell me this – who did your mother learn it from? You told me she was treated like shit. So where did she learn how to love? I’ll tell you: from books. From the TV. From fucking Hollywood. She gave you stuff, she showered you with unqualified praise, she told you you’d inherit the fucking Earth and it was all fucking bullshit! A simulation; a cheap, superficial imitation of love by someone who didn’t know the meaning of the word. And thirty years later, what’s the result? You. You. A fucking – Easter Egg of a person.

You don’t know who you are, you don’t know what you want, you don’t know what you think – Life throws shit at you and you collapse and you know why? Because there’s no core to you, no foundation, none of the things that real love – genuine, complex, awkward love – builds. Your mother loved you like a child loves a doll. She didn’t know any other way. And you know what? Neither do you.

I don’t know if I was loved. But I can sleep, you know? I can spend more than ten minutes in silence. I can look in a fucking mirror.

Excerpt for study and audition practice. Read the full play for context.