Dating in the Industry

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7 mins read

To do or not to do ..

That is the question. In this article, we hope you find your answer.

Girl Version

Dating in the industry, at some point along your acting journey, must have crossed your mind.

You may have worked with another actor whom you felt a creative energy spark, that has fuelled into a chaotic, crazy, but deeply fulfilling relationship. They get you the way ‘non actors,’ would never. They understand your struggles, trials and tribulations. They support the journey, the last minute call backs, the 16 hour days, and the consistent not knowing of what comes next. 

Sounds like a thrill.

But.

They also become oddly jealous when you book a role and they don’t – even though you would never go out for the same characters anyway –

Their envy increases with attention and accolades that you receive for your work. They constantly look to you for creative inspiration, and when you fall short, that’s somehow your fault. Oh, and that time you expressed interest in exploring directing or producing, but they were anything but encouraging. 

My fellow artists, there are pros and cons to both.

Now, let’s unpack the benefits of dating someone ‘normal.’

I should really not use this word, as actors we tend to attract anything but ‘normal,’ when it comes to out- of- industry romantic pursuits, therefore let’s refer to a non-industry partner as a muggle. 

Muggle’s look at us with fascination. Our world is full of disorder, non-guarantees, and insane odds of ever making it.

I am warning you now, you are digging your own hole if your muggle works in finance. On the contrary, as the ‘free spirit,’ in the relationship, a solid foundation is key. Therefore, although completely opposite, the finance guy (or girl) may be exactly what you need. 

This is where ‘opposites do attract’ becomes the literal pinnacle of how your muggle relationship can ever work.

Benefits of dating a muggle:

  1. Stability – emotionally and professionally.
  2. Grounded Companionship – to remind you of where you came from, so to speak, and always keep you from getting in your head.
  3. Non- Jaded Perspective – My personal favourite. 
  4. Unconditional Love
  5. Enthusiastic Line Reader 

To elaborate on number 3 ; when I am asking an opinion from my muggle (yes I went out of industry 😉 he always provides me with an unbiased point of view. Whether I am asking about an audition tape, script revision, or simply gaining a second opinion from a production meeting – he always gives an honest answer, not clouded by industry voices or experiences – because he doesn’t have any! 

Cons of dating a muggle:

  1. Sometimes they just don’t get it.
  2. Unemotional – society and their jobs have most likely guilt, shamed, and punished them for showing a softer side. Or when they happen to have a ‘moment,’ they are instructed to do so privately and professionally.
  3. They think we ‘Play Pretend,’ – One time, I broke up with a firefighter after an audition where I interrogated a killer, because he said – and I quote -‘why are you so upset? It’s not real ..’ 

Buh-Bye you emotionally inept prick.

4. Anger Issues – They have never safely practiced expressing rage.

5. Anti- Therapy – I can empathize with this one, because before I dove into the acting world, I naively believed that therapy was only for those who medically were told to do so. I thought you had to have a referral from your doctor in order to speak with a professional about anything and everything.

Now I am very pro-therapy and it’s the best choice I have ever made for my mental and emotional health. Many moguls are still fearful however, stuck in their ‘I’ll just deal with it how I deal with it,’ mentality. 

Personally in my experience I have found success with a non-actor. Someone who works in a field (The Navy) completely different from my own. We couldn’t be more opposite, but our relationship, which is now a marriage, has always felt more secure than any other experience I have had dating actors. 

However, I do also have friends who are both actors and work actively in the industry, who have been together and thriving for years. Pros and cons to both.

As a woman, I prefer to have a stable partner who is solid in their career path, and continues to support mine. I love having someone to talk to about my crazy world, who views my passions from fresh eyes, with the same excitement I felt my first day stepping a film set. I want my spouse to remind me when I am being irrational, or overly self-critical because there is just so much out of our control. 

Make your list, and understand the type of person you want in your corner, cheering you on throughout this journey.

We all deserve that fulfilling, beautiful love, that keeps us protected and grounded in this madenning industry we also have fallen for. 

Lastly, it will happen when you least expect it – I promise 😉

Written by Therés Amee

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