William scene from Everybody Loves Raymond, practice script

WILLIAM

Robert.

ROBERT

(Nervous)

Bill.

WILLIAM

Come in, come in. Glad you could make it. Have a seat.

ROBERT

You sure? I mean-not such a looker, am I, in the sober light of day.

WILLIAM

Please, have a seat.

ROBERT

(Babbling)

Bet you wish you were wearing those glasses last night, am I right, am I right?

WILLIAM

I was.

ROBERT

Ah. Old prescription? How many fingers am I holding up?

WILLIAM

Robert, relax.

ROBERT

(Quickly)

Okay.

WILLIAM

I’ve been in this business a long time, Robert, and - well, let me ask you something--how tall are you?

ROBERT

Six-eight.

WILLIAM

See that. Most of my guys top out at six-two. And a lot of guys your height are, well...they’re more like...circus freaks. So with your proportions and natural good looks, I believe there could be a few jobs for you.

ROBERT

Good looks, huh?

WILLIAM

Sure, not "cover" looks, really, but, the bulk of my business is done in the pages between the covers where the model advertises everything from new cars to headache medicines.

ROBERT

Oh, yeah, like that guy with the headache that just won’t quit.

WILLIAM

Exactly. No reason you couldn’t be that guy.

ROBERT

I could? I mean I could. I have headaches all the time.

WILLIAM

But, just because I think so doesn’t mean the advertisers will. You should know, this business can be brutal. Then again, it can also be very rewarding. Is this something you’re even interested in?

ROBERT

Um, how rewarding?

WILLIAM

Oh, I don’t know...a few print jobs a year, a commercial or two, a hundred thousand isn’t out of the question.

ROBERT

I’m in.

WILLIAM

Of course, there are no guarantees. We send you out a couple times, see what kind of reaction we get.

ROBERT

Okay. (Bursting with enthusiasm) And I’m not afraid to go green. You know- "ho ho ho." (Deeper voice) "Hello." (Deeper still) "Helloooo. This is CNN."

WILLIAM

Maybe we just focus on one thing at a time.

ROBERT

Oh, sure, one thing, that’s good.

WILLIAM

Alright, well, for starters you’re going to need sample shots (Flipping through rolodex) I can give you the numbers of some of the photographers others in the agency used... (Then, RE: Card) Or actually, I believe Herbert may be finishing up a session in the next room. If you have a minute, I could introduce you right now.

ROBERT

(Ala Tony the Tiger)

That’s greaaaaat! (Then, off William’ s look) Yes, thank you. And I do have a minute.

WILLIAM

Alright then. (RE: Door) This way.