Susan scene from Back to Kansas, practice script

SUSAN

I can’t believe you almost choked on a piece of popcorn in the middle of the movie.

TOM

I did not almost choke.

SUSAN

So that usher wasn’t giving you the Heimlich maneuver, he just really liked you.

TOM

Yes. He’ll probably be calling.

SUSAN

Oh great, the catalog came from that cool new furniture store. We’re getting an armoire.

TOM

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I did not like any of those words. First of all, I don’t even know what an armoire is.

SUSAN

It’s a place to put clothes.

TOM

I don’t need a place to put clothes.

SUSAN

No, not as long as you have the floor. (RE: CATALOG) What do you think of this one?

TOM

I don’t like it. It makes you look fat.

SUSAN

You already used that one when I bought the new vacuum cleaner. You should have saved it for a larger ticker item.

TOM

(Off catalog)

Oh my God...is that the price or the store’s phone number?

SUSAN

Good things cost money. And we can afford it. Juts write another book.

TOM

Let’s at least shop around. I know a good place for furniture.

SUSAN

Uh huh. At your place, do all the profits go to the needy?

TOM

Yes.

SUSAN

Tom, the Salvation Army is good when you’re in college, but we’re adults now. Well, I’m an adult; you’re getting there.

TOM

I don’t know...

SUSAN

Okay, how about this--we’re flying to New York next month, right?

TOM

Yeah.

SUSAN

Well, I wanted to go first class. But how about instead, we fly coach and get the armoire.

TOM

So...the armoire would be like...free.

SUSAN

Yes. Actually it costs less than what the first class tickets would cost.

TOM

So if we buy the armoire, we actually make money.

SUSAN

Yeah. So what do you say?

TOM

I say I just took you to dinner and a movie, which I believe qualifies as a date, if you know what I mean.

SUSAN

Oh, I know what you mean. And I’ll take that as a "yes" on the armoire.

SUSAN (CONT’D)

And you know, with the profit we make from flying coach, we can get a new coffee table.

TOM

Yeah. Wait, what?