Reed & TJ scene from Savages, practice script

REED

Get off the computer. I need to use it.

T.J.

Is it important?

REED

Yeah, I need to send my stunt idea to Fear Factor. Get this, you make people kill their own cat while biking through a pool filled with mayo. And here’s the twist: the seat on the bike is made of razor blades!

T.J.

I can’t believe I share genes with you.

REED

What?

T.J.

People aren’t going to kill their own pets!

REED

They will if they want to be on TV. So come on, off the computer.

T.J.

Hang on, there’s just twenty seconds left on my auction. Nineteen, eighteen... I’ve got a bidding war going.

REED

Really? What are you selling?

T.J.

Baseball trophy.

REED

You don’t have a baseball trophy. You were kicked off the team for betting on games.

REED (CONT’D)

Hey! This is my trophy!

T.J.

You never use it.

REED

You don’t use a trophy! You look at it, you appreciate it, you rub it in other people’s faces... Besides, it’s my trophy!

T.J.

Then how am I supposed to make money? I’m too young to get a job, too old for a lemonade stand, too unhealthy to give blood, Dad won’t let me panhandle...

REED

You could mow lawns or shovel snow...

T.J.

Hmm... sit at a computer... lift heavy snow... I just can’t decide. Oh wait, yes I can.

REED

You can’t just sell stuff that doesn’t belong to you!

T.J.

All right, what if I give you ten percent?

REED

IT’S MY TROPHY!

T.J.

(looking at computer screen)

Not anymore. It belongs to... NeverWonAnything@yahoo.com.

REED

NOOO!! Undo! Undo!

REED (CONT’D)

NeverWonAnything’s not gonna want this trophy when I get through with it.

T.J.

Daaaaad!!