Agent Eilertson scene from NCIS, practice script

AGENT EILERTSON

We need to talk.

DR. GIBBS

Talk.

AGENT EILERTSON

Close the door please... Why’d you go over my head?

DR. GIBBS

I needed Commander Riggs’ Yankee White File and didn’t want to waste time.

AGENT EILERTSON

Did you get it?

DR. GIBBS

Not yet.

AGENT EILERTSON

(Throwing the file on the

desk) Next time you want something from the Secret Service, ask me. I’m the agent on this case.

DR. GIBBS

Uhhh, who authorized you giving me this?

AGENT EILERTSON

You know damn well who. You called him.

DR. GIBBS

And could you have given it to me without his authorization?

AGENT EILERTSON

What’s your point?

DR. GIBBS

Is that a no?

AGENT EILERTSON

We have protocol to follow.

DR. GIBBS

That’s a no.

AGENT EILERTSON

How would you feel if I went to your boss for an autopsy report?

DR. GIBBS

Amused. He’d tell you to ask me.

AGENT EILERTSON

You wouldn’t need his permission?

DR. GIBBS

Nope.

AGENT EILERTSON

For anything?

DR. GIBBS

Only to go to the bathroom.

AGENT EILERTSON

I’m not laughing.

DR. GIBBS

I thought it was kind of funny.

AGENT EILERTSON

Would you have gone over the head of a male agent?

DR. GIBBS

When it comes to cutting red tape I am an equal opportunity offender.

AGENT EILERTSON

I have my doubts. So, know this...I earned my jock strap a long time ago, Gibbs. You don’t want to get in a pissing contest with me.

DR. GIBBS

Hey! Doesn’t it give you an empty feeling?

AGENT EILERTSON

What?

DR. GIBBS

The jock strap.

AGENT EILERTSON

No. Unlike some species of frogs, I grow what I need.