Miss Sloane Monologue
*In this scene Elizabeth Sloane challenges a junior lobbyist if sales tax applies to chocolate-covered cakes or chocolate covered biscuits. She schemes to build support for their cause.*
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Elizabeth: ‘Where are they putting Senator Jacobs? The Lombok Lodge?
Jane: Yes.
Elizabeth: It’s on the beach?
Jane: Yes.
Elizabeth: Good. This goes off to the Senate Ethics Committee. Once they authorize travel, Jacobs is on a plane.
Franklin: Is that okay?
Elizabeth: It’s Fine.
Franklin: Technically, I mean?
Elizabeth: Don’t worry about it.
Franklin: It’s just, as lobbyists we can’t get involved in arranging overseas travel for members of Congress. .. I read ethics regs when I want to look busy.
Elizabeth: Well if you weren’t just pretending to look busy, you’d know that the workaround is to get this to the non-profit, have them sign and file with the ethics committee.
Do I seem unduly concerned?!
Franklin: Okay.
Connors: George told me what happened with Sanford. Are you retarded?
Elizabeth: Why are you eating a chocolate cake for breakfast?? Have you no shame?
Connors: It’s a muffin. You never had a muffin for breakfast?
Elizabeth: A muffin, let’s see eggs, milk, flour, cocoa powder, chocolate – that sounds exactly like a cake. But of course, no civilized person would eat a cake for breakfast.
Connors: You’ve lost your mind.
Elizabeth: Franklin are you getting this? Cause Im really talking to you.
Franklin: Huh?
Elizabeth: Shmallow cakes aren’t really cakes. They’re marshmallow paste sandwiched between two cookies covered in chocolate. And while our tax code deems cakes luxury items and hits them harder, cookies are obviously necessities and therefore exempt.
Are you getting this?
Franklin: What?
Elizabeth: Have shmallow cakes re-designated as cookies, argue cake in the name is merely marketing puff. You’ll need evidence in court, but get a team of scientists to opine that they are in fact 80% cooking and zero percent cake.
That’s how you win.
Franklin: You knew that all along?
Elizabeth: You would have gotten there eventually.
Franklin: Then why are you telling me this?
Elizabeth: In case you’re not coming with me.
Connors: Whats going on?
Elizabeth: All right everyone, I called you here to announce that effective immediately, I am leaving Cole Kravitz and starting work as lead consultant for the Brady Campaign at Peterson Wyatt. I’ve secured positions for everyone in this room without change to your current compensation. So, who’s with me on this?